Faith not Feelings
One of the things that drives me bananas in my spiritual life and journey is separating feelings from faith. Because I say a Rosary, Chaplet, go to Confession and so on, I think things should be honkey dorey. Guess what? They're not - at least not always. There's a roller coaster of feelings and events in my life and I feel certain yours too that sometimes makes us wonder.
Forgiveness, such as in confession and through the Divine Mercy is not about feelings although mostly, when I emerge from confession I am elated. It wears off. The what? This is the important part - when it wears off and you seem to regress into the old ways of feeling, try to realize that it is faith not feelings. You and I have indeed been forgiven. I for one would appreciate God sending down an occasional note saying "All is well" or "You need to shape up in this or that area of your life. The only thing coming down is snow or leaves so far. No notes at least not yet.
In the meantime, I like you struggle with many thoughts of doubt and uncertainty of where I really stand in the spiritual side of things. Faith says you're okay but we humans have feelings too which often override our faith after a time. I have discussed these things with my Confessor and Spiritual Advisor and he tells me the same thing - You are forgiven. Holy cow, why can't that sink in?
Jesus, in His revelations to Saint Faustina, makes it quite clear that trust is the vessel of His Divine Mercy. The bigger the vessel (the degree to which we trust) the more assured we are of forgiveness and mercy. It doesn't stop there for He tells her further that we must express the mercy rendered to us to others within whom we come in contact. He gets a little more strong when He tells her, "I demand deeds of mercy to others." Demand is not a suggestion; it is a command.
The whole Body of Christ is truly affected by the actions or inactions of all the other members. Remember Saint Paul talks about the members being affected by other members as in a human body. If the arm hurts, it affects some other part of us. Makes sense to me and that's the reason Jesus demands these acts of mercy. "I got it so they can get their own mercy the way I did." Wrong. Many do not know the road to Divine Mercy or that such a thing even exists. It is up to us who experience this Mercy to show and tell others of its powerful affects no matter what they have done, think they have done, or others think they have done.
God is not a discriminator of persons and He excludes no one from His Mercy. It is for this reason He sent His only begotten Son into time, into the world from His eternal place at the right hand of the Father. The Incarnation, God stepping into time, was a pure act of love and it was solely for us - all of us. No one is beyond the scope of Divine Mercy - absolutely no one.
"And while he was still far off, his father caught sight of him and ran out to meet him"
Here the Prodigal son is slowly making his way down the dusty road to his father's estate rehearsing what excuses he can offer for what he did. Mumbling to himself, head down in shame and anguish, the son kicks some dirt in the road. "If only I can convince him to hire me as a servant so I can live inside and have food...if only I can..." Suddenly, the father who has caught sight of him arrives to meet him on the road and before the boy has time to utter one word, the father wraps his arms around him, kisses him and calls for the servants. "Quick, put a robe on him and a ring on his finger, sandals on his feet. Kill the fatted calf for we must celebrate - this son of mine was dead and is now alive."
Luke describes a scene whereby one can easily conclude that the father had been standing at the gate of his property looking up the road for any sign of his boy coming. Day and night he must have stood there...hoping against hope but never giving up. He probably saw other travelers in the distance and prayed that one would be his son, but they turned out to be strangers just passing by his property.
Undoubtedly he saw little puffs of dust on the road and hoped that it was from his son's feet only to discover that it was from the wind or a small animal scooting across the road. He nevertheless came daily and stood and waited with the love and patience only a father could have. One day, his waiting paid off. All the other times with no results were quickly cast into memories which faded at the sight of the Prodigal son.
The Father is God the Father and we are that Prodigal...off doing our own thing while Father waits patiently with great hope and love for us to come to our senses. Some do, some do not but He waits nevertheless. When a son (or daughter) decides to return home, He's there...standing at the gate looking down the road and catching one little glimpse of us, runs - not walks, runs out to meet us more than half way, wraps His tender arms around us, loves us with kisses and says "Welcome home my child."
Head down that dusty road now if you have wondered off...it is never too late and the Father, oh yeah, He's there at the gate watching just for you 24/7. Don't disappoint Him and more importantly, don't throw away the biggest decision of your life with eternal consequences for the the fleeting pleasures of a city gooing into famine. Come to the banquet prepared for you from all eternity and never there will you find the husks that pigs eat; only the choicest morsels of hevenly delights in the presence of the Gracious Host, God Our Father.
